The Cost of following Jesus

By Pastor Craig Sicilia

It would seem that I am doing something extremely wrong, I try to do what I think is Gods will in my life.  All the time everything gets harder and more difficult to do.  The pains that ache inside become stronger and the pull of something consumes my soul and the very essence of who I am.  Things do happen for a reason and things of this world seem to hold us back.  But I believe there can come a time that God in His infinite wisdom and mercy can reach our lives and make it beyond a shadow of a doubt only one path to follow.  If we do not follow this path our lives will be full of pain and sorrow.  I have been fighting this for over 2 years and through this time every breath becomes harder to take, every step more difficult.  I spent some time seeing what the scriptures have to say and maybe what my future has in store for me.  The love that I have for this world and the people in it who I care about is and has crumbled.  The fact keeps returning that as much as I love it does not mean anything.  And my soul is in a space where I am literally destroying anything that means to me.  And if I continue down this path any love I have I will have destroyed.  What a hard reality of what I have built and what I truly meant to anyone.  But I must be joyful in the path I must follow.  Not that I know where this path leads I do not.  But the time for talk and thinking is over God has put in front of me a time to do.  He does not want me to talk it over, think it over or feel sorry for myself.  The time has come and has been here for me to do.  As hard as this is it is what it is.  I spent some time seeing what the bible says and am praying with all my heart and soul that I do what is right in His eyes, there is a reason that all is gone in my life.  And that peace has not found me, now it is time I find the peace He has in store for me.  Not that I can find it but by following His path it will find me.

As harsh as these seem I understand, I do not like it but it is not for us to like.  Sometimes God will make it that there is no other way but His and any other path followed will never feel right.  Pray for me as I prepare for His will in my life.  Most will think I am weak but Jesus knows the strength that His will takes to follow.  The world will think I am wrong and persecute me as He tells me but my rewards will come when I am with Him.  All of this to figure out with a damaged brain from an accident but as my old life ends I am beginning to understand.